Transparency is an increasingly common by-word for passing the "sunshine test". That is, would you still do it if your boss/partner/mother were looking at it in the full light of day? Are you so proud of your accomplishments or so unafraid of comments that you will put what you have done and are working on out there for all to see? It is a concept rife with vulnerability, and hence, is very hard to find. In this day and age, when people can not only find out almost everything about you with very little effort, it is also very easy for misinformation to be widely distributed. So we get back to a core issue that limits people's willingness to be transparent: fear.
It is the utmost in faith/fearlessness/confidence to open your closets for examination. As a society, we usually assume that anything that is shared with the public is well-scrubbed of useful information, full of partial-truths (if there is any truth at all" and "spun" to be presented in the best light possible. So even when we are presented with information, we find it suspect. How then is one to achieve transparency when they will be perceived as lying before they open their mouth?
The answer lies in the other half of my blog title: Quiet. Think about it. What do you most notice about Zen masters? Their serene presence. They are quiet, contemplative, and they never need to push their teachings. We listen to the Masters because they seem to have found something we haven't, and feel as though if we ask the right question(s) or walk the right path(s), we, too can attain this enlightenment. No one is quiet unless they have a secret, it seems. But the real secret is what happens when you *are* quiet, calm and still - you are better able to listen. These Masters are not withholding the secret, they are embodying it. Be still. Be quiet. Listen.
Great. Doesn't the Universe know I have things to do? There are kids, partners, relatives, people needing me, me needing people, school, work, and checklists a plenty. What if, though, these things were not mutually exclusive? Stay with me here. We all know that a muscle gets stronger the more it is used. In a similar way, a neural receptor frequently accessed becomes easier to access (whether that brain process is a bad habit or a a good behavior doesn't matter). The more we do or think on one thing, the more that thing becomes easier to do. So, what if we incorporated the master art of listening into our hectic, insane lives? What if we could learn to be still and quiet in amongst the chaos?
Most people think of being quiet as necessitating a serene environment. You want to meditate in a place devoid of noise and light, maybe some environmental sounds low in the background, everything mellow. That's just asking for trouble. If you manage to create such a place, the odds of you being able to make a habit out of meditating for 15 minutes in the same spot at the same time every day are not good. At least, not for me. My children are too young to understand "Mommy's quiet time" and my own brain is constantly thinking of a list that needs my attention.
Alternatively, what if we allowed ourselves to be really bad at "quiet" for a while? There you are, sitting at your desk, and you look up at some reminder you've posted somewhere to remind you of a healthful practice. As soon as you see it, be it a picture of your family or an inspirational quote, take a deep breath. The kind that pushes your belly out when you inhale. Let it out. That's it. Just one breath. Not so bad, eh? Then you build from that. Maybe you breathe when you see it every day for a week. Maybe you work up to 5 or 10 deep breaths every time you see it. What you are doing is 1) building the association between something you have already identified in your life as positive and pausing for a moment and 2) exercising the part of your brain that knows how to focus and be clam. Once you have mastered that, you can start sneaking it in other places. Now we are just talking about breathing here, but being quiet is easier when you are occupied (even if you are just thinking about an otherwise automatic bodily function), and listening is easier when you are quiet.
Now it gets interesting. Imagine yourself in a meeting which you have no idea why you were asked to attend. Your expertise is not needed, no one is asking your opinion, it's pretty much a waste of your time. Or is it? You have been given a gift of a moment to experiment with this new skill. That's right. In the middle of the meeting, breathe deep. No one has to know you just increased your oxygen intake. You can be subtle. Just breathe. There's a table in front of you and no one is looking at you anyway. Take that, crappy meeting! You just reclaimed those moments for you.
Then you're making dinner. Giving the kids a bath. Answering emails. Hugging your partner. If, at every transition you can, you fit in a deep breath, then it becomes a habit. I used to tell my nephews to treat every doorway they walk through as a moment for reflection. Did I leave anything in the room I'm about to vacate? Do I need to bring something with me to the next room, like dirty dishes? Did I turn the light off? Do I remember why I'm going into the next room?
And if we could do that with the breathing, taking advantage of every opportunity we think of to inhale consciously, not only would we be breathing more and deeper, and getting better at doing it more often, I firmly believe we would notice something else. We would begin to hear more. Why? Because we have stopped. We have paused in the middle of the chaos and did something unrelated to it and good for our physical and mental health. We have claimed that second as our own. And the very next second we are able to see and hear with more clarity, as we are not bringing the excess baggage from 3 second ago into this one.
I now take a deep breath before I speak to my kids. It helps me remember that they don't have fully functional logic chips yet. I do it before opening the door to my office OR my house. I do it whenever I feel stress. It now sounds like I habitually sigh. But I'm breathing. I'm breathing for clarity, for health, for quiet. So I can listen. Be serene, if only for that second. And to literally take a deep breath before starting again.
As I took a breath last night, I noticed my son looking up at me, quiet, wondering why mommy's eyes are closed in the middle of the kitchen with a small smile playing on her lips.
"Are you happy, Mommy?"
"Well, Darling, now that you mention it, I remember I am."
I don't know if I would have responded the same way if I hadn't taken that moment to breathe, but I did, and I was quiet, and I heard this awesome question, and I wonder... Can a 5 year-old be a zen master?
No comments:
Post a Comment